The insane drabbles of the Elemental Countries
by ZenoNoKyuubi
Summary: Just some drabbles... I'll just work on it whenever I want. NaruxAnko. Cuz everyone loves NaruxAnko
1. Okay, new plan

**Hey, guys! This is a drabble fic that I'm going to write on whenever I'm bored or, as I'm doing now, waiting for a lemon. I can also write on this if I get a crazu idea that I need to put on paper. These... are the insane drabbles of the Elemental Countries!**

--LINE--

**Chapter 1: Okay, new plan...**

"Okay." The leader of the Akatsuki, Pein, said as he and all the other members sat around the table in their super secret cave of evil masterminds. "It's obvious that our evil goal can't be to kidnap all the children in the world and turn them into mindless killing machines." he said and turned to the pale skinned member to the right of him. "Because someone decided to do unspeakable things to the last child we kidnapped, didn't you, Orochimaru."

"Sorry..." Orochimaru said with a pout. "He just looked so cuddly... I couldn't help myself."

"Anyway... We need to figure out a new goal."

"Um..." Deidara said as he raised his hand like a child in a school. "How about spitting on all the cookies?" he asked, getting nods of approval from the people around the table.

"We can't do that... There are too many cookies in this world and we'd be dehydrated after spitting on everyone in Fire Country. It was a good plan though, Deidara." Pein said with a thumbs up. "You are truly an evil soul."

Deidara beamed with pride.

"We can make super sharp paper." Konan said, sitting on Pein's left. "We all know that everyone hates paper cuts."

"No... People would just buy paper from someone else..."

"I have a plan." came a voice from the entrance of the cave. Turning around, they saw a man wearing a black cloak and a swirled, orange mask. "It's the most diabolical scheme ever!" he said as he walked up to the table.

Pein sighed.

"So, tell me, Tobi... What's this 'diabolical scheme' of yours?"

Tobi put his hands on the table as he looked around at all the members.

"My plan is to kidnap the jinchuurikis of the nine tailed beasts, remove their demons and unleash them on the hidden villages. Doing that, we'll achieve..." he said as the ceiling in the cave opened and lighting crackled as he spoke the next two words. "WORLD DOMINATION!"

The rest of the Akatsuki sweatdropped.

"Now, Tobi... That's why you're not quite cut out for the Akatsuki. We're all evil, but we don't want to rule the world. We just want to make life a living hell for people."

"But-"

"No buts, Tobi! Get out of here!" Pein said, reaching into his cloak to pull out a rolled up newspaper. "Go on! Out, out, out!" he shouted as he smacked Tobi repeatedly on the head. "This is not for little boys like you!"

Sniffing could be heard from inside Tobi's mask as he walked towards the exit.

"You're no fair! I'm telling on you!" he cried as he left the cave.

The Akatsuki chuckled.

"Now that he's gone, we can go on with our evil planning... Ah, what's the point? I've lost my spirit now... Everyone take the day off." Pein said with a sigh as he got out of his chair. "I'm going to read my Icha Icha..."

Konan got out of her chair.

"I'm going to find the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. He's cute."

"He's taken, Konan." Itachi said as he chewed on a piece of pocky. Konan shrugged.

"So? I'm evil. I don't give a damn."

The rest of the Akatsuki went off to do whatever it is they do in their free time.

--LINE--

**And that's how a day of plotting looks in the Akatsuki!**

**Stand by for more!**

**R&R!!**


	2. A day in the Akatsuki

**Chapter 2: A day in the Akatsuki.**

--LINE--

Uchiha Itachi.

Uchiha Itachi was a simple man. He enjoyed pocky, sleeping and slaughtering clans. Oh, and he was going blind.

Uchiha Sasuke.

Uchiha Sasuke was a very complicated young man. He enjoyed green tea, brooding, cutting his wrists and plotting on destroying his older brother. He took advantage of Itachi's eyesight.

Itachi calmly walked through a small, random lodging town without a care in the world.

'Now brother, you will suffer.' Sasuke thought as he sat on the roof of a building with an anvil in his hands, watching as his brother came closer and closer. 'Now!' he thought and tossed the anvil at his brother just as he was directly below the Uchiha avenger.

'I can hear something...' Itachi thought and looked to his left just in time to see a blue blur heading for him. He immediately took a step back when he noticed that Kisame was in his hugging phase.

"Itachi-san!" Kisame shouted as he tried to glomp the Uchiha, only to find that the Uchiha stepped back. Pouting, he never noticed the anvil above him, slamming straight into his head.

Itachi squinted his eyes when he saw that Kisame was hit in the head by something and looked up into the sky.

"Is it raining?" he asked out loud before sighing. "I need glasses..."

'Damn it!' Sasuke cursed in his mind as he slipped away, preparing to wait for a long time for another opportunity to destroy his brother. Little did he know that he just had to jump down there and slash at Itachi without him even noticing it.

Five days later, Itachi was assigned to distracting Team Kakashi long enough for the extraction of the Shukaku to finish.

When Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura and Chiyo-baasama landed in a clearing, they were met with a strange sight.

"It's been a while, Naruto-kun, Kakashi-san." Itachi said, staring at the four shinobis. "I'm afraid that this is as far as you go."

Team Kakashi just stared...

And stared...

And stared...

"Well, aren't you going to say something?" Itachi asked, pushing up his half inch thick glasses.

Team Kakashi burst out laughing, completely forgetting that they're dealing with an S-class criminal.

"W-What are those things on your face?!" Naruto screamed as he clutched his sides, rolling around on the ground.

"They look like shit!" Kakashi shouted while Itachi's eye twitched.

Now Itachi wasn't one to lose his cool in a situation like this, but when someone makes fun of the glasses he's forced to wear, he's more than likely to lose it.

"S-Shut up! This is the only way I can see properly! Don't make fun of the glasses!"

"G-Glasses?!" Sakura screamed, finding it hard to breath through all the laughing. "I t-thought you were trying to hide behind a window!"

"I said shut up!"

"So this is the famous Uchiha Itachi, huh?" Chiyo asked as she too laughed. "Looks more like a geek to me!"

"Y-You..." Itachi fumed. "Y-You dare... mock me?! That's not nice, you know! Screw you all! I'm leaving! Are you happy now?!" he shouted with a pout as he poofed away.

--LINE--

The next day.

At the Akatsuki lair, Sasori, Deidara, Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting at a table, playing Monopoly, Hidan and Kakuzu vs Deidara and Sasori.

"Alright, Kakuzu..." Deidara said with a sigh as Kakuzu landed on his street again. "I could let you off the hook the last three times, but this time, you have to pay me."

"Never! My money!" Kakuzu said as he hugged his wad cash. It helps if you get money but give nothing. "You'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands!"

"Come on!" Deidara shouted as he reached over the table, only to have Kakuzu stick his hand into the hand in Deidara's mouth and pull on the tongue.

"Did you just... try to take my money?"

"Did you try to steal from us?" Hidan asked with a dangerous gleam in his eye. "Stealing is a sin!" he shouted and took his scythe off his back. "DIE, HEATHEN!"

Hidan jumped across the table, swinging his scythe around wildly while accidentally kicking Kakuzu, or rather, kicking the money out of his hands.

"No!" Kakuzu cried as he dove after his money. "HIDAN!"

"Shit..." Hidan muttered, completely forgetting about Deidara when he saw Kakuzu's furious glare. "This is bad..."

Sasori just sighed as he left the room. Monopoly wasn't anything for him anyway.

Ten minutes later, Pein walked into the room with his nose stuck in his trusted Icha Icha Tactics. He looked up to see Hidan and Deidara hanging from the ceiling, tied up and gagged by Kakuzu's threads.

'I guess it's too early for me to come out...' Pein thought as he went back into his room.

--LINE--

**Chapter End!**


	3. Another plan and some changes

**Chapter 3: Trying to come up with an evil plan and turning into a fox.**

--Enjoy--

"Alright, guys..." Pein said as they were once again having a meeting. "We need yet another evil plan... Kicking scouts just doesn't seem to work..."

"Well, I'm out of ideas then, hn..." Deidara said, getting nods from the others.

"Let's see what the book has to say..." Pein said and reached into his cloak to pull out a book labeled 'How to be Evil for Dummies.' "Well, let's see here... 'Step one: Get a hero nemesis... We have that, right?"

"Yeah, that Kyuubi brat." Kisame said with a nod.

"Good. Step two: Get a clone that's 1/5th of your size... Well, we could do that, I guess... Step three: Get blackmail on a rich family and request a ransom of 1,000,000 ryou? How old is this book?!" Pein exclaimed and checked the back. "1967?!"

"Who wrote it?" Konan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Some guy called Dr... Avil? No, Evil, Dr. Evil." Pein said and stared at the book for a while before throwing it away. "Come on, people! We can't be an evil organization if we don't have an evil plan!"

"How about we go with Tobi's plan?" Deidara asked, getting a blank look from Pein.

"Like I said, we're evil, not rulers. Do you have any idea of how much paperwork a guy who rules the world has? I don't want to go through that. Do you?"

When everyone shook their heads, Pein nodded.

"I thought so."

--In Konoha--

"What the hell?!" Naruto shouted as he ran through Konoha, a whole pack of fan girls chasing him.

"Kitsune-kun!"

"Marry me!"

"Go out with me!"

"Sign my butt!"

When Naruto had woken up this morning, he'd suddenly found himself sporting a pair of blond, fluffy fox ears and a blond, fluffy fox tail.

Suddenly, he was grabbed and pulled into an apartment. He found himself in the embrace of his girlfriend, Mitarashi Anko.

"Naruto-kun!" she squealed as he shoved his face into her cleavage. "You are so cute!"

"A-Anko-chan!" Naruto exclaimed when she started removing his shirt. "W-We can't do that right no-oooow..." he finished and started purring when he found that Anko had started to rub his ears.

In his cage, the Kyuubi chuckled.

**'Finally, my kit is getting some! I knew giving him a tail and ears would be helpful. Everyone knows that foxes rock!'**

--Akatsuki base--

"Come on, guys! We have to-" Pein started, but was interrupted by the ringing of their doorbell. "What now?" he asked out loud as he got out of his chair and headed for the door. Outside was a girl scout, holding a box of cookies.

"Hello, sir. Would you like to buy some cookies?"

Pein stared at the girl for a while before shrugging.

'One more can't hurt.'

He reared his leg back and punted the girl to Konoha before sighing happily.

'Ah, that felt good.' he thought and looked down. 'Oh, she dropped her cookies... Do I find her and give them back, or do I take them for myself?'

He leaned down, picked up the cookies and stashed them in his cloak with a grin on his face.

'Evil...'

--Done--

**Another short drabble done! Huzzah for me!**


	4. Christmas party!

**Chapter 4: Christmas party!**

--Enjoy--

Ding-Dong

The ringing of a doorbell was heard in the Hokage's mansion. The door opened to reveal a tipsy Tsunade, grinning at the visitors.

"Welcome! Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas." Pein said with a smile and held out a wrapped package. "Here's a present for you."

"Oh, thank you!" Tsunade exclaimed, grinning widely as she took the present. "Come in! The party has already started!"

"Alright." Pein said with a nod as he and the other Akatsuki members entered. 'Enjoy your five year old fruitcake, Hokage-sama! Kukukuku...'

"Oh, look!" Konan exclaimed and pointed at one of their targets, the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. Only, something was strange. He had a pair of fox ears... along with a blond... fluffy... tail. "KAWAII!"

Konan rushed the startled blond and wrapped him up in a bone crushing hug.

Someone bumped into Hidan, who turned around and saw a drunk-off-her-ass Shizune.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Someone pushed me!" she said as she looked around, trying to spot her invisible assailant. When she looked up, she grinned. "Oh, look! A mistletoe!"

"Huh?" was Hidan's intelligent reply as he was suddenly mouth raped by a drunken med-nin. AS Shizune broke the kiss, she winked at the Jashin priest and left. Hidan looked stunned, before looking up. Hanging from the ceiling was a man with black hair in a bowl cut and huge eyebrows. He was wearing a green spandex suit and had a red ribbon tied around his stomach.

"Way to go, my youthful friend! I, Maito Gai, the mistletoe, will make sure that much of that happens today!"

"Konoha is fucked up..." Hidan muttered as he turned to leave, looking for the alcohol.

--The next day--

Tsunade sat in her office, rubbing her temples, trying to get rid of the killer headache. Shizune was laying in the couch next to her desk, a pillow over her head. Suddenly, Jiraiya, not a single sign of a hangover on him, jumped through her window.

"Hey, Tsunade! Killer party last night!"

"Shut up!" Tsunade shouted as she tossed a paperweight at Jiraiya, who expertly dodged. "It was a mess! Konan and Anko started fighting over Naruto. Kurenai and Yuugao joined in, as well as that Yugito girl from Kumo, trashing half the place... That Killer Bee guy was strung up on a flagpole in his undies... Kakashi started beating Gai like a pinata... And Naruto... Well, I have no idea where he is..."

--With Naruto--

"I love Kage Bunshins..." Naruto said in amazement as the memories of his nine Kage Bunshins came back to him. The memories of 45 hours of sex all together. He got up and left, leaving the five unconscious women to sleep.

--Done--

**Another short drabble done! Huzzah for me! And Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you!**


End file.
